shoes, shoes, shoes.

Think about it. Shoes can tell you a lot about the person wearing them. More than clothes, more than their dog, and more than their car. Shoes are the ultimate personality give away. I mean, you probably wouldn’t see me walking around in Nikes (unless of course it is a costume party in which case it would be completely normal). Rather, I might be seen wearing a pair of Tory Burch flats, Havianna flip flops, or depending on the location some very high heels. If someone were to look at my feet before they continued up my body to look at my clothes and my face, they would probably have already guessed I would be dressed nicely and might have a cute face. But maybe I’m a bad example..

Let’s talk about a larger, clearly unfashionable girl grinding on Bobby Bottle Service at a Les Deux, you might expect her shoes to be classless: clearly inexpensive “leather” material, probably WAY too bright a color, and slightly trashed due to “going out” excessively at these yucky, totally last week clubs. Since we are confident it’s not Kelly Osbourne (she has more class than to be at Les Deux and she wouldn’t be considered the “larger” girl .. way to go with the weight loss Kelly), the shoes clearly define the girl wearing them.

Classifications:

Birkenstocks, etc. = hippy or someone who thinks fashion <>

Premier Designer shoes that don’t have designer logos all over them = classy, rich people

Premier Designer shoes that DO have logos all over them = want to seem classy but don’t but are probably rich

Converse = could be anyone. Around 60% of Americans have owned (or claimed to own) a pair of converse in their lifetime and you really can’t classify 60% of Americans into one category..

Designer shoes = girls who are working on finding funds for designer but are probably young so doing alright.

“Designer” shoes that have logos EVERYWHERE= people I can’t stand.. It’s like, instead of buying Coach shoes with C’s all over them for 150 dollars, buy two pairs of cute flats that aren’t awkward.. We know you’re not buying logo shoes because you think they’re comfortable. You don’t look cool. And stop pretending G and C stand for premium designers because they don’t, Thanks.. and sorry for that rant.

Tennis shoes = sports players or (obviously) people who work out (or want to seem like they work out)

Flip Flops = beachy people, lazy people, or not morning people (just throw them on and go, hoping they look ok with your outfit).. Haviannas are the best for that.

Wedges = girls who want to wear heels but need a sturdier “base” when they’re drunk. Please leave the wedges in their boxes until April, thanks.

Honestly, guys are exactly the same way but a tiny bit more difficult to distinguish. If you have ugly shoes guys, don’t wear them please. It is so unattractive and SUCH a reflection of who you are as a person. Sneakers you’ve had for 3 years and continue to wear need to go buh-bye. Dress shoes with too square a toe are not flattering (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE). Inside a dress shoe, your foot does not look like a slab of meat. So stop shoving them in these giant shoes because you think that's what it's supposed to look like. A shoe should be narrower in the front than the back. Plan your shoe shopping accordingly.

Nikes are a different story.. Basketball players can wear whatever they want. Skateboarders, go for some 6.0s. But it’s when you get into the obnoxious colors, patterns and super high-tops that you seem a little ridiculous. And everyone can tell. Ew.

Anyways, this turned into Me just talking about everything I hate. Sorry I’m not sorry.